


A Fine (Not Finite) Romance

by misbegotten



Category: The Big Bang Theory (TV)
Genre: F/M, Getting Together, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-16
Updated: 2016-10-16
Packaged: 2018-08-22 17:58:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8294902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misbegotten/pseuds/misbegotten
Summary: "You seem to be in a great deal of discomfort. While I am by no means an expert in the practice of massage therapy, I believe I am in a position to aid in the relief of the tension you are obviously carrying in your upper extremities. I have calculated the possible risk of infection to be minimal as you have not been ill in quite some time -- I can check my calendar for the exact date -- and since I will wash my hands thoroughly afterward. I assumed, since you are openly physically affectionate with friends, children, and strange package delivery men that you would not object to my overture, but if I have in some way intruded on your--"





	1. The Hypothetical Question

**Author's Note:**

> Season 2 AU

Penny hurt all over. It never ceased to amaze her how running back and forth carrying people's food made her feel as though she had just finished a triathalon. That kid pouring his tomato soup on her uniform probably counted as the swimming portion of the race. The tension in her back and shoulders was crying out for a long soak in the tub, and each plodding step up the three flights to her apartment was a test of endurance. With relief she made it to the landing and rounded the corner.

To find Sheldon with his laptop sitting on the floor, his back straight against the wall that led to her door.

"Oh, not _again_ ," Penny moaned.

"Indeed," Sheldon replied, casting a baleful glare at the door to his own apartment before returning his attention to the computer screen.

Penny tossed her bag aside and slid down the wall, settling next to him. Just a tiny bit too far into his personal space, of course, because she could never resist teasing him. Still, as she stretched out her legs and flexed, she felt like commiserating. "You should say something, Sheldon. It's your home too."

Sheldon sniffed. "Far be it for me to hinder Leonard's romantic exploits." He typed furiously for a moment and then, apparently satisfied with the result, closed the laptop with a flourish. "To be fair, he did buy me a pair of headphones."

Penny stretched her arms and tried to work the kinks out of her back. "They didn't work?"

"A cheap pair of Target earbuds are not sufficient to muffle the caterwauling of Leslie Winkle in heat."

"Sheldon," Penny reproached him without much enthusiasm. She didn't care much for Leslie either.

"You're right," he paused. "That's not fair. Caterwauling is the sound that the male cat makes when he is sexually aroused."

They looked at one another.

"I think you had it right the first time." Penny was rewarded with the twitch of a smile from Sheldon, and she grinned as she started rolling her shoulders. It didn't do much to help the ache, so she tucked her chin to her chest and tried to stretch that way.

She nearly leapt out of her skin when she felt fingers on her neck. "What the hell?"

Sheldon pulled back, hands frozen midair, but his expression was calm. "May I?"

"You. Want to voluntarily touch me?" Penny wondered vaguely if she had wandered into the wrong building. Or universe.

"You seem to be in a great deal of discomfort. While I am by no means an expert in the practice of massage therapy, I believe I am in a position to aid in the relief of the tension you are obviously carrying in your upper extremities. I have calculated the possible risk of infection to be minimal as you have not been ill in quite some time -- I can check my calendar for the exact date -- and since I will wash my hands thoroughly afterward. I assumed, since you are openly physically affectionate with friends, children, and strange package delivery men that you would not object to my overture, but if I have in some way intruded on your--"

"Sweetie." Penny held up a hand to stop the torrent of Sheldon logic and shifted so that her back was completely at his disposal. "It was incredibly nice of you to offer and please, have at it."

She felt him move as he put aside his laptop and then again as he settled behind her. His fingers grazed her shoulders lightly for a moment, then with a firm touch he kneaded the muscles.

Her first thought was pride; her little boy was all grown up and no longer afraid of cooties.

Her second thought wasn't much of a thought at all, rather a tingle that went all the way down her spine and much lower. Damn, that felt good.

Ten silent minutes later -- Penny had been biting the inside of her cheek to hold back a moan because she didn't want to startle Sheldon away like a scalded cat -- Sheldon let his hands slip from her back. "Better?" he asked tentatively.

She settled against the wall with a satisfied sigh and leaned into him deliberately, her head resting on his shoulder. "Mmm. A backrub like that deserves ice cream as a reward." Or a cigarette, she thought. "I have that butterscotch syrup you like."

"The real butterscotch, not the imitation real butterscotch?"

"The real stuff," she confirmed. One of the cooks at The Cheesecake Factory kept her supplied. She hid a grin while he scrambled to his feet, then followed suit.

"You know," she said as she unlocked the apartment door, "I don't mind giving you my apartment key back if you need a place to hide out while Leonard is 'entertaining.' Just don't, you know, rearrange my stuff. At least not too much."

Sheldon found a place to set his laptop and moved to the kitchen, already heading for the ice cream bowls. He rinsed two. The fact that he was rewashing her dishes should have bothered her; she dug out a clean dishtowel from the drawer and handed it to him without comment.

"I would be honored," he said finally, "to take possession of your key. I promise to protect the integrity of your home with the same--"

Penny used The Hand. "I'll take that as 'thank you.'" She flipped open a cabinet and peered into it, searching for the syrup. "I think the butterscotch is on the top shelf. Can you?"

He reached up past her, leaning forward slightly to reach the elusive jar. Penny was acutely aware that in any other situation the whole thing might have been romantic -- a couple in close quarters, the pattern of his fingers still echoing on her skin, his breath just above her ear as he closed the space between them… If she didn't smell like rancid tomato soup. If Leonard and Leslie weren't playing mattress tag across the hall, reminding her that she had no one in her life. If the entire day up until this point hadn't made her feel particularly unsuccessful, unattractive, and undesirable. If it wasn't Sheldon, who was so oblivious to the opposite sex that he didn't even notice when a graduate student on the make practically beat him over the head with a club and dragged him back to her cave. She sighed.

Sheldon paused in his quest for the syrup. "Are you unwell?"

She was sick of a lot of things, but that certainly wasn't what he meant. Penny shook her head. "I'm fine. Just feeling sorry for myself." She took the jar of syrup from his grasp and began to rummage in a drawer for spoons. "Let's get that ice cream," she said brightly, handing the spoons to him to wash.

He placed them on the counter, next to the syrup. He cleared his throat. "Penny, may I pose a hypothetical question?"

"Shoot." She wondered vaguely where her ice cream scoop was.

"If a... gentleman realizes that the attraction of a physical nature that he has long held towards a member of the opposite sex is also accompanied by a genuine desire to be in her presence at times in addition those imposed by outside circumstances, but acting on said realization is likely to prove a detriment to their friendship because he has no indication from the woman in question that his overtures would be met in a receptive manner and in fact she is likely to be--"

Penny's mental response to this unfolding dialogue went something like: what is Sheldon babbling about holy crap! okay think like a socially awkward genius and decide _oh screw it_

It was probably because she had butterscotch on the brain that the first thing she thought was, "Mm, sweet." Sheldon's lips parted, letting her suck gently on his lower lip before deepening the kiss. His hands had gone instinctively to the back of her head, and the slight tug of his fingers through her hair made her cheeks flush as she imagined him tracing elaborate equations on her skin. His breath hitched as she settled against him, their hips parallel as she shamelessly tried an experimental grind to prove to herself that no, that wasn't a whiteboard marker in his pocket.

Sheldon made a sound not far removed from a whimper and moved his hands to her shoulders, pressing her back to allow them both room to breathe. "Penny, there's something I need to tell you."

A thousand things were going through her mind and all of them seemed to want to come out at once. "Let me just say first it's not because I'm lonely. I mean, I am lonely but getting involved with you is not something I had let myself consider because hello you're you and I'm me and I didn't think you'd ever think of me like that and deep down I always thought that if you did fall for someone you'd fall forever and I'm not the best person in the world for you so I don't know what we'd do if it didn't work out and besides I didn't really think I was your type not that I'm entirely sure what your type is other than being willing to put up with your obsessive-compulsiveness but god knows I've got my issues too and you probably have an annotated list of them somewhere--"

Sheldon used The Hand on her. The Hand! On her!

"Penny," he said, his face still flushed. "I posed a hypothetical question."

"Yeah?" she responded slowly.

"It was not on my behalf. I asked on behalf of Koothrappali."

It took half a minute for her wits to recover. "Raj?" she sputtered. "You're propositioning me on behalf of Raj?" She took a step back, and then another, until she was blocked by the kitchen counter. "Oh my god. I'm such an idiot."

Sheldon was rubbing his hands together as if they were cold. "I would not say that. While you have not excelled in the scholastic arts, you certainly have a great deal of what is colloquially known as 'street smarts' and have proven countless times that your knowledge of human social protocols far exceeds mine."

For once, Penny couldn't think of anything to say. She marched determinedly to the refrigerator and opened the freezer door. "How many scoops do you want?"

Sheldon looked up in surprise. "One, please."

The butterscotch was sweet. And if Sheldon was more distracted than normal as they ate their ice cream, Penny pretended not to notice.


	2. The Tequila Trainwreck Interlude

If Sheldon Cooper was counting correctly, and Sheldon Cooper _always_ counted correctly, then Penny had imbibed a great deal of alcohol. The number of shot glasses, juice glasses, measuring cups, and a beaker that he dearly hoped had been cleaned before being used suggested that Penny would be spending the next day curled on her couch. This ritual generally involved Penny in her most threadbare pajamas, wrapped in a blanket and demanding that Sheldon find the special brand of saltines that she knew had always worked as a hangover cure before (they never had).

Sheldon wouldn't be hunting for saltines, he knew. His relationship with Penny had taken an awkward and seemingly impassable turn after their kiss.

The kiss.

The Kiss.

Sheldon was not one to assign capital letters without care. This definitely merited a capital T and K. Not only had it been an aesthetically pleasing kiss, but it opened an entirely unforeseen body of Penny -- data, blast it! Body of data. Namely, Penny found him appealing. More interestingly, in mere seconds Penny had managed to present a cogent list of pros to the inevitable cons that their relationship would seem to entail. And had done it with his tongue down her throat.

Not his finest hour, Sheldon thought with some regret.

The object of his contemplation belched loudly and began grasping blindly on the coffee table for the tequila bottle. Fortunately it was lodged immovably in Leonard's hand as he curled around it, asleep in a chair and unlikely to yield his alcoholic security blanket.

"Howard?" Penny managed. Her hair was thoroughly mussed and hid her face, but Sheldon wagered that her eyes were at half-mast at best. "Where's the liquor?"

Wolowitz would no doubt have made a dreadful "licker" pun. Fortunately, he had wandered drunkenly to Penny's bedroom and gotten distracted by her collection of scarves before passing out on the bed.

Suddenly Penny's companion on the couch stirred. Raj yawned loudly. "There are no more alcoholic beverages, Penny. There are no more ingredients with which to make more alcoholic beverages. Leonard ate the last of the maraschino cherries." Raj threw a companionable arm around Penny's shoulder. "I find that I am very hungry. Would you like some ice cream?"

Penny's shoulders stiffened, and Sheldon felt the roll of unfamiliar jealousy in his stomach. He knew that Koothrappali's unusual jocularity was simply the result of imbibing alcohol. Or allowing himself to "cut loose" with alcohol as the excuse. Nonetheless, Sheldon felt a sudden urge to punch Raj in the nose.

This relationship business was very complicated.

"Koothrappali, you will be thoroughly sick if you have dairy this late at night. Why don't you go next door and lay on Leonard's bed?"

Raj smiled benevolently and ambled away without protest. Intoxicated Raj was, at least, also agreeable Raj.

Penny's shoulders had dropped, and her face was mashed against the coffee table. She let out a patently false snore.

Sheldon snorted in response and, without comment, slid his hands under her legs. She let out a surprised shriek when he lifted her from the couch. "Jesus Sheldon, when did you become Superman?"

"The yellow rays of the Earth's sun are remarkable." When Penny's jaw dropped open, he rolled his eyes. "I lift a lot of heavy equipment, Penny."

Torn between humor and petulance, she opted for the latter. "Thanks a lot."

He maneuvered them into the apartment next door and, just as she was beginning to tense again, put her down on her feet just outside his bedroom door. "You can sleep in here since Wolowitz is in your bed."

"Oh god," she groaned. "Don't ever say those words again." Then she looked up, her expression suddenly clear. "Wait, you're letting me sleep in your bed?" Penny poked him in the chest. "You don't even like people coming into your room and you're letting me sleep in your bed?"

Sheldon considered the possible conversations they could have, with Penny her in her mostly inebriated state and the confusion of his "confession" about Koothrappali still hanging between them. He contemplated all the variables, and leaned forward.

"There's an extra blanket in the closet if you need it," he said. And kissed her forehead gently.

She stood there for a moment, simply gaping, as he turned to make a bed on the couch.


	3. The Seven Sins Solution

Penny woke up and regretted it. Strongly. There wasn't enough aspirin in the multiverse (dear lord, she needed to stop hanging out with the boys) to conquer the headache which lanced through her brain like a freight train on crack. Or tequila, as the case may be. Her mouth was cottony, her stomach ready to rebel, and she wasn't entirely sure that she could feel her toes. She felt like she'd indulged in all of the seven sins at once and lived to tell about it.

Staggering out of bed and wishing she hadn't, Penny pulled Sheldon's comforter around her and trudged out the door, into the hallway and towards the living room. Leonard's door was firmly shut, for which she was grateful, and the television was off leaving nothing but blessed silence.

Except for the slight clink of a teaspoon in a mug. Sheldon stood at the kettle, which had just finished boiling, and was preparing a cup of tea. He gave Penny a soft smile and not a word, which was so uncharacteristic that she goggled for a moment, before dismissing any attempt at figuring out Sheldon and flopping down -- okay, more like oozing -- onto the middle of the couch. Sheldon brought the mug over to her, and she inhaled the welcome aroma of green tea and peppermint, though her stomach gurgled in protest.

"Thanks," she said weakly.

Sheldon considered her carefully for a moment; whether trying to diagnose the likelihood of her vomiting on his comforter or simply concerned, she couldn't tell. "I'll be fine," she said reassuringly, after a sip of tea. "God knows I've had worse nights than this."

This wasn't actually true. Lying was a sin. But so was coveting, and wasn't that what had started her drinking in the first place? Coveting her lanky, brilliant, frustrating, obnoxious, infuriating next door neighbor?

"Unless you indulged in ritual intoxication as a teenager, I find that hard to believe," Sheldon finally spoke. He handed her a sleeve of crackers. "Saltine?"

Penny took it gratefully -- saltines always helped her hangovers -- and tried not to get any crumbs on the couch. "Okay, last night was pretty bad," she admitted. "But it's been a rough week. I just needed to blow off a little steam."

"And do you feel that the judicious application of a bottle of tequila has aided you in this endeavor?"

Penny grimaced. "Sheldon, I didn't know you cared."

Sheldon made a sound, a frustrated sigh, and she looked up, surprised. "Of course I care, Penny." He took the mug from her hand and put in on a coaster on the coffee table. "I don't like seeing you... this way." He lifted the edge of the comforter and sat down on the couch next to her. "I feel as though I have contributed to your 'rough week' and I feel it necessary to clarify a misunderstanding that has arisen between us."

Penny narrowed her eyes. Her head still hurt, and frankly her Sheldon translation unit was on the fritz. "Huh?"

"When I spoke to you about a certain hypothetical situation, I wasn't referring to feelings that Koothrapali holds for you. He is in fact enamored of a graduate student assistant at the university."

Penny breathed a slight sigh of relief. Leonard's crush on her was hard enough to deal with; she didn't particularly want Raj to join the ranks.

"I have also not been forthcoming about certain conclusions I have reached in the aftermath of our discussion and subsequent, er, physical encounter."

Penny thought, briefly, about the taste of butterscotch.

Sheldon squirmed in his seat. "You see, Penny, I have taken your arguments to their logical conclusion and agree that there is a possibility of a emotional connection and possibly physical relationship between us."

"Huh?" she said again.

Sheldon breathed noisily through his nose. "I like you."

"I like you too, honey."

"No, Penny. I like you in a romantic capacity."

Penny's brain jangled oddly. Her eyeballs were about ready to crawl out of her head. She had obviously lost her mind, because she could have sworn she heard Sheldon say that he liked _liked_ her.

Sheldon put his hand on hers, tentatively. "Penny, if you were showered, dressed, and frankly looked less like you were about to fall over at any moment, I would kiss you at this juncture."

Penny put her hand on Sheldon's and smiled. "Me too, sweetie."


End file.
